Simply Me – Simply Someday

Daughter, Divorce, Lifestyle, music, Parenting, Quiet Times, Simple, Uncategorized

What’s On My Playlist…

May 8, 2013March 4, 2015 Christa Duvall

What's on your list? — What’s on your list?

Having a conversation about music last night sparked a simple and fun blog idea….

What do I listen to?

Music has always played a huge part in my life. I’m a huge opera fan, I love jazz and the blues. I generally listen to talk radio, but when it’s time to rock out, I break out my phone, plug it in to my stereo and blare it! The louder the better…lately my musical selection has been an all empowering “Fuck You to the world” play list.

So in no particular order….

Erin Costelo – We Can Get Over. I heard this chick on CBC and fell in love with her voice and music. You can hear my favourite song by her here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iPD3wJNUAao

I can’t seem to get enough of Parachute…ever hear of them? Nope me either, not till I was able to discover them on Pandora. Love them. Pop Rock at it’s best. I have too many favourites but here is one of them: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJKhkubgDOY&list=UUpvNmgXNP6qPlTnw-3_R3kA&index=3

When I’m a little melancholy I love me some Jack’s Mannequin. Like I LOVE them. Rainy days: I listen to JM, feeling blue: JM, feeling sick…it’s all about Jack. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzGdmsRoSkg

My Big FU song these days is ‘So What’ by P!NK. I love her. I’ve always loved her. Her music is inspiring, uplifiting, and makes me feel like it’s all going to be OK. She has an awesome sense of humour to boot! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJfFZqTlWrQ

If I’m feeling sappy and missing my lad, I plug into my Canal and Bowery playlist. On it you will find: Bright Eyes, The Lumineers, Jason Mraz, Hedley, Damien Rice, Train, Josh Radin, and this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKU3UuJhIxU

I also have some Ed Sheeren, Of Monsters and Men, Philip Phillips, and my guilty pleasure (Pais and I will grab our wooden spoons and sing this at the top of our lungs) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F57P9C4SAW4

So there you have it, some of my music, the stuff that gets me through my days.

What’s on your playlist?

Cancer, Dating, Daughter, Divorce, Parenting, Relationships, Uncategorized

Where My Heart Is.

April 22, 2013March 4, 2015 Christa Duvall

I’ve written three drafts of this, each a little different, each still remains in my draft folder waiting to see the light of day.

I’m not sure why I’ve been so hesitant to publish them. I know there is something holding me back; otherwise I would have.

I’m not the type to fill everyone in on every little detail of my life. I don’t update Facebook every hour, or even many days. I sure as hell don’t talk about my relationship. I don’t post lovey meme’s for the world to see, and I don’t write ‘I heart you’ messages on mine, or anyone else’s wall.

I’m also afraid. I’m mainly afraid of what others will think. I’ve been separated for just short of a year, but here I am head over heels in love with another. I question my own sanity at times, I don’t need others questioning it either. As strong as I appear to others, things do affect me. I take criticism to heart, and feel every jab as if you really did mean to stab me with your words. So yes…I’ve been afraid.

I’m in love. It’s not lust, it’s not loneliness, it’s not needing another person, it’s not a fill-in or replacement, it’s nothing more than love. I wasn’t looking for it, but found it. I’m happy. I’m so very happy.

Elliot and I have been friends for quite a while, he lives in Wisconsin, a 12 hour train ride away. We met in an unlikely time and way, which is just part of our story. He is a wonderful man, who has seen me at my worst and my best.

As I was going through my separation he listened to me sob on the phone, he offered nothing more than an ear and shoulder. As I underwent my cancer stuff and surgeries he was here, not on the phone, but showing up two days before my surgery because I needed him; he was with me before I went in, and was there as soon as I woke up. He held the barf bucket as I dealing with the effects of anaesthetic and as he said goodbye and I was still throwing up, he patiently cleaned me up and said I love you.

He has spent many hours on the bus coming for weeks visits to see Paisley and I, rearranging work schedules to maximise his time with us. He is as dedicated to making this work, as am I.

This long distance relationship has afforded me the time I needed to heal, to grow and to really think about what I wanted and needed in both my life and relationships. I’ve had time to examine my own faults in the breakdown of my marriage and how my actions played a part in its demise. I’ve also had time to think about what I’d done right, what qualities I bring to the table. I’ve been able to do this because Elliot was far away, I’m sure that if he were here, I’d be caught up in the moment and not take the time to work on myself.

This relationship has been work, at times it’s been challenging to not have him close, there are many a night I’ve questioned if this was the right thing for us, he and I, and myself and Paisley. It’s far easier to give up when the person isn’t in front of you. But we haven’t given up, we work through the hard stuff, we talk and talk…we take on the challenge and come out for the better. Some days I would give anything just for a hug, but again, I’ve learned that I can make do without it.

And now, I live my life by countdown calendars…how many more days till Elliot is with us, right now the count is at 52.

I’m a very lucky girl. I’m a very lucky girl in love with a wonderful man who thinks the world of both me and Paisley. One who loves my family, and enjoys my friends. A man who can sit with me in front of the fire not saying a word just listening to the world go by, or who loves to splash in the water with Paisley at the beach. A boy who’s willing to give it all up for some Canadian girl, 2000 miles away. I couldn’t be happier.

Je T’aime Mon Coeur.

And for a giggle…..

Cancer, Dating, Daughter, Divorce, Parenting, Relationships, Simple, Survivor, Uncategorized

Simply 36…

March 15, 2013March 4, 2015 Christa Duvall

I’ve spent the last few days reflecting on my life this last year. It’s been a helluva year, but it’s done. I survived in more than one way. When I think about what my 36th year will hold for me, I’m excited; I’m looking forward to the unknown, and am waiting for new adventures to unfold.

No one sets out and says “God I think this is going to be a shit ass year”, but last year I did. Last March I was in a bad place. I was trying to play family with Shaughn, keep it together while he was gone 14 hours a day, run my business, be a friend, a daughter, and a mummy. I knew that it was going to be hard. I didn’t anticipate cancer, or our separation.

I’m starting this year differently. I’m mentally in a better place, I love my new life despite a few blips in the chart. I’m cancer free (Almost 6 Months!!!!), I have a much better relationship separated from Shaughn than I did with him, and am in a relationship that makes me happy.

I’m starting 36 feeling renewed, like I have my whole life waiting for me, I just have to get out there and grab it. I am starting to think about things I’ve not done in years, I’m planning things that make me happy, I’m doing silly things, because they make me HAPPY! I’m over the days of caring what others think of me, I’m living my life as me. Like it or lump it.

Some people haven’t liked it. That’s ok. I’m not looking for their approval, I don’t need it. All I need is to do what is best for Paisley and myself. She is and will always be my first priority. As long as she is safe, happy, and has her needs met, I think we’re doing well. Fortunately, she is and has all of the above. Fortunately, so do I.

Tomorrow I am spending the day in yoga pants, alone. I’m not getting out of my bed, I’m not seeing friends or family. I know this has also upset a few people but I need some time for myself. Alone.

The only thing I’m missing is a pint of Ben And Jerry’s ‘If I Had 1,000,000 Flavours’

Happy Birthday To Me, Here’s hoping 36 is everything I’m thinking it will be.

Daughter, Divorce, Parenting, Relationships, Simple, Uncategorized

Trying To Live Simply

February 22, 2013March 4, 2015 Christa Duvall

Some days I do just want to give up, give in, and just hide. I’m tired, overworked, underpaid.

Some days I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, but then I remember where I was a year ago, and I take a deep breath, and I smile. Life is so much better now.

I’ve made a very conscious decision to start living more simply, I’ve let the past fall to the wayside, and am filling my days with the things that make me happy. I’m letting go of anger, fear, and I’m moving forward.

I’m just trying to live more simply.

This hasn’t been an easy task, and it means I’ve had to let some things in my life go. I am not going out as often, I’m choosing to be at home with Pais rather than go across London on a bus for a coffee date. I’m choosing to cook more, bake more. I’ve been watching less and reading more.

I had spent many years feeling pulled in many directions, trying to be there for everyone, trying to please my friends, family, and job. I would make myself crazy trying to do it all. I would be making pot luck dinners for S’s classmates, meeting my sorority girls twice a month, making dinners and lunches for college kids, spending my Saturday’s at the YMCA with Paiz for swimming, and dancing. I was trying to get in family time with S and Pais, as well as with my family. Unfortunately S didn’t want to spend as much time with my family, but did just our’ little family’.

I made the commitment to myself, and Paisley to start living simpler. I started saying “no”. No, I’m sorry I can’t go out tonight for the third time this week. No, I’m sorry I can’t make two separate dinners. No I’m sorry Paiz can’t go on yet another playdate. No, No, No. I did start saying yes to the things that are important. I started saying Yes, we can hold off on dinner for 10 minutes while we dance around the kitchen blaring P!nk and singing into wooden spoons, I began saying Yes, I would love to come for Sunday dinner but can we do it here to make things a bit easier on me. I will say Yes Paiz, lets bake cookies and muffins instead of buying them.

I started to make different priorities in my life. If I’m feeling too pulled, I slow down. I think about what is most important and focus on that, not all the outside ‘noise’ clouding up my life.

I occasionally fall back into old pattens, and I need to check myself and remind myself that my friends will still be my friends if I am unable to attend a function, and that my family may be disappointed that I don’t make a Sunday dinner, but it’s not the end of the world. Sometimes it’s really hard, but I’m doing it.

So my crazy life is becoming simpler, I’m slowing down, taking stock, and doing what makes me and Magee happy. I’ve mostly left my chaotic life behind and am working towards an easier, kinder, and loving life.

Cancer, Dating, Divorce, Parenting, Relationships, Simple, Survivor, Uncategorized

My Not So Simple 2012

February 20, 2013March 4, 2015 Christa Duvall

2012 brought me many challenges. From Jan 1, to December 31, none of it was easy.

Late in 2011 my then husband went back to school full-time as well as worked full-time. This was the final cut in our already fragile relationship. In June 2012 we decided to end our 9 year marriage and separate. I am the one who initiated the conversation and ultimate dissolve of the marriage. I was at my wit’s end, unhappy, angry, resentful, stressed, tired and I had had enough. I just couldn’t do it any more. He and I had been having issues for a few years prior, but I had wanted to make sure I had given all I had to the marriage before ending it. I wanted to make sure I was doing it for the right reasons, not because I was angry with him. I needed to make sure I was doing it for me, so I could be in a better and happier place, so I could be a better mother, friend, sister and daughter.

In doing this I also had to consider the ramifications on my overall life. I have a daughter, own a house, run a business, oh…and I had been diagnosed with cancer. I had to make sure I could really realistically do it all. In my head I felt I could, but I had to make sure the numbers on paper matched up, I had to make sure I could care for my daughter the same way she was accustomed to, to make sure her life didn’t change too drastically. Things were going to change enough for her, I didn’t need to be going to the soup kitchen or selling my house too. I have always had a ‘Superwoman’ complex, I have always felt I could do it all…sometimes I fail, but for this, failure wasn’t an option. There was too much at stake. In all, everything worked out. We separated in June, he got an apartment, I stayed in the house. I pay my bills, I pay my mortgage, I don’t (often) get child support…which is really nothing anyways, these days $80 doesn’t even come close to paying the heating bill. We have remained good friends. Really good friends. We talk almost daily, we have dinner together at least once a month, we will happily sit out on the deck with a beer and talk for hours. We are much better friends than we ever were as a married couple.

I was also diagnosed with uterine cancer in 2012. Awesome – said no woman ever. I had surgery almost 5 months ago to remove my uterus, ovaries, tubes, cervix, and some lymph nodes. It was a long surgery, with an even longer recovery. I’m almost 100%, but I am still healing both physically and mentally. It was tough, still is a bit tough. I was 35 and not that I wanted more children, this was ensuring that I wasn’t having any more. I was also left with a huge scar from just above my belly button to my pubic bone, right now it’s still pretty gross looking, kinda like Frankenstein, I know it will fade and look better in a year or so, but it is a constant reminder of how my body betrayed me. The good news is, I’m healthy now. None of the cancer had spread, I have regular check ups and blood work, and so far I’m as good as cured.

So yes, 2012 was a tough year. I also fell in love in 2012, and built a new life for my daughter and myself. There was some good to come out of that shitastic year.

So, I’m hoping now to move forward, you have the background you need. I’m no longer angry, I’m no longer sick. I’m just looking forward to my simple life, waiting for my someday.

Cancer, Dating, Divorce, Parenting, Relationships, Simple, Survivor

Simply Christa

February 20, 2013March 4, 2015 Christa Duvall

Well this is me. I’m 35, almost 36. 5’7″, a little heavier than I should be. I have dark brown and purple hair, brown eyes, piercings, and a great smile.

I have had a crazy life, and this past year in particular. I’m looking forward to living more simply, quietly, and with more love in my life.

I am the mother of a fantastic daughter named Paisley, but who is often called Magee, (Ma-gee, hard G) not to be confused with Maggie, or Magee (soft G). She is my world, and has been since the minute I found out I was pregnant.

I am newly(ish) separated, but am good friends with my daughters father. He often joins us for family dinners and fun. I’ll talk about he and I later. For now the most important thing is that we are on good terms and are committed to raising Magee together.

I am in a relationship with a wonderful man, Elliot. It’s long distance for now, but the end is in sight. Right now we rely on monthly trips, lots of texting, phone calls and FaceTime calls. More on him later too.

I run a business, a small home based childcare. I have been running it for four successful years, and don’t plan on stopping any time soon. I love my job; long days, temper tantrums, poop, puke, and snot. It’s the best job ever.

I’m a dog person. I love my dog, and she has seen me through some pretty rough times. I am not a cat person, although I have two. I also have four fish. I love my fish.

So, simply, that’s me. Christa.

Happy Reading!