Simply Someday

It's Anything But Simple, But It's My Life

Keeping Regular

willieWillie Nelson once said “I like myself better when I’m writing regularly”.

I’d have to agree with him. I like myself better when I take the time to sit down and put my words down.  However mundane, witless, or boring; I just feel centered, more in touch with my life.

Like any person, I don’t generally take the time for myself. I don’t spend the time I’d like to spend writing.  There is always something to be done, or finally at the end of the day I feel like my brain is mush. I don’t know how I did it as a student. It seemed no matter how tired, hung over, or even drunk I was, I still managed to write and get kick ass grades. Somehow I’m guessing I would score far less stellar marks. Far. Less. Stellar.

I think part of the reason I do this whole stop and start thing to my writing is, I stop when things are going well, writing has always been my ‘therapy’ and when life is good, I don’t need it. I tend to turn to my blog when things are shitty, sad, or I’m angry. Right now, I’m none of those things. Life is wonderful. Really fucking good actually.

Elliot has been here since June, he’s actually back in Wisconsin for a few weeks visiting Family. There’s a new niece, and people who’ve missed him tons! Joel has been here since May, my daycare is full and my Paisley is awesome. She loves school and is doing great.

I’ve talked about making our third bedroom an office/writing area for us, I’m really hoping to do it soon. I think if I can get my ass away from everyone else and all the household distractions, I may actually sit and write more often. Here’s hoping.

So my goal for the next 2 weeks is to spit out 3 blogs. It’s time to get this train back on the tracks.

One more quote. This one by Cyril Connolly:  Better to write for yourself, and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.”

That Cyril Connolly was a smart lad.

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Enjoy Your Day Mama, It’ll Be Over Before You Know It!

It'll be over before I know it.

It’ll be over before I know it.

Each day I marvel at my life, I sit for just a minute or two…sometimes I’m only afforded 30 seconds, but I sit and say thank you for my beautiful life.

A friend visited me yesterday, she brought along her little lad, Liam. He is fresh from the oven so to speak, with only 4 months life experience. He is Lovely; cuddly, squishy, smiley, chubby, and delicious. Yes, I could eat him. He’s that adorable.

Visiting with Mel and Liam made me realise just how quickly the last few years have flown by. Literally flown by.

I  can’t believe it’s been five years since I first held my daughter, and now, the number of times I’ve held her or cuddled her is countless. The only way to measure it would be to measure the love she herself puts out into the universe.

I remember countless nights, just waiting for morning to come so another day would pass…literally wishing my time away. As Paisley screamed with colic for hours, all I could think of was the day she wouldn’t, and when would that be, and how many more nights would I have to spend this way?

Looking back now, I remember the soft early dawn light, when Pais finally stopped crying, and we would watch the sun slowly make its way above the horizon. I would hold her in my lap, sometimes I would be crying from sheer exhaustion, but other times, I would sit and hold her, thanking god for another beautiful day, thanking god that I had this beautiful, healthy child in my arms. I remember those quiet moments now and would give anything to have them back.

As adults we tend to forget the quiet times, amidst the craziness of our everyday lives, it’s not often that we just sit and take stock of the world around us. We are caught up in jobs, chores, the news, families, and friends; we forget that the flowers are just starting to peek out of winter soil, that the birds are up and singing far earlier than we are. We forget that even in the April snowstorms, there is still beauty and stillness to be admired.

When Paisley was sick a few weeks back, throwing up over and over, I sat there wishing it was over. I was losing money by not working for the day, I was tired after being up all night with her, I was horrified each time she emptied her tummy thinking “here we go again’…it wasn’t until later that I realised that I had the day cuddling, reading books and holding my daughter, just like when she was a baby…I again missed the beauty, wishing the illness would just end. Did I suffer from missing a days work? In retrospect, no, not really. Did I catch up on my sleep? Yes, of course I did.

I, like so many others need to stop, take stock and admire the beauty around us. See the sun filtering though the windows with dust motes dancing in the rays; notice the grass is greener than it was just a short week ago. Take a moment to talk, and listen to your child, REALLY listen to them. Play your favourite song, and feel the music, dance and sing like no one is watching, judging, or listening to you. Take a few minutes to enjoy something, anything. Just enjoy it.

Our life is short, our children grow up so quickly, sleepless nights with colic will soon turn into sleepless nights while your child has your car keys, that friend you meant to have a coffee with might move away, your parent won’t always be there, call them to chat.

Enjoy your day, THIS day. It’s the only one you’ll ever have just like it. It will never be the same again.

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Single Mum Files…Melancholy

Me 'n' Magee

Me ‘n’ Magee

Nights like this suck.

Sometimes I hate being a single parent. I appreciate the fact that her father wants to spend time with her, I love that she wants to spend time with him. But holy fuck do I miss her.

I miss my kiddo.

I’m in a piss ass mood and I’m having trouble shaking it tonight. I just want to snuggle with my girl, read another Fancy Nancy book, and tuck her in. But I can’t. I am sitting here instead blogging about it.

She’ll be home tomorrow, and by the time it’s her fathers weekend again, I’ll be ready for another break, but right now, I just want Magee home.

I rarely question my decision to be a single parent. On the whole I’m happier, not as angry, and a better parent; but I often feel stretched, and I miss parts of my old life. I miss some of my freedom. I miss my friends and socializing. I miss not being able to attend things because I chose this life.

But tonight all I miss is my girl, her skinny five year old arms wrapped around my neck, asking me to rock her like I did when she was a baby.

Tomorrow will be a better day, I get to read bed time stories, I get to bug her to tidy her room, help me fold laundry and put dishes away. I get to work on her school work, practising math sums and printing.

I can’t wait for tomorrow.

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A Letter To Magee On Her 5th Birthday!

And Now You're Five

And Now You’re Five

My Sweet Paisley,

I love who you are, I love the giggles, the belly laughs, the wonder and words that come from you.

I love your imagination, how you can sit for hours playing with your dolls, or pony’s making up stories, sub stories, and adventures that leave me in awe of how your brain works.

I love that you are a caring child, that you go out of your way to make everyone feel special and included. I love that you don’t see people’s differences, and that you take them at face value; never questioning why they are different, just accepting them. I’m so proud of that.

I love your crazy sense of humour, you love to tell me the silliest knock knock jokes, they make absolutely no sense to anyone but you, but I love to hear you laugh.

I love your never-ending need for knowledge. I love that you constantly want to know how things work, and why they are the way they are. I love that you are learning to read and will devour books faster than ice cream. You get so excited each day to work on your school work, diligently getting your pencil and crayons and school books. You will spend hours with them, working on pages until I say it’s time to finish up, you always ask to do ‘just one more…please?’. I hope as you continue to grow, that you embrace learning not as a chore, but as something special and precious.

I am amazed at how resilient you are, with everything that has happened in the last year, you have remained steady. I had been bracing myself for the worst, and yet here you are. Nothing phases you Paisley. You roll with the punches with the best of them.

I love your sweet innocence. I love to watch you dance, moving your whole body with the music, not caring who is watching, just lost in your head. I love to watch you in nature, searching for fairies, finding their homes in old tress, leaving them flowers, and wanting to bake them mini cookies. I love that you aren’t jaded.

I love how the best part of your week is Friday nights, where we snuggle in with popcorn and a movie, just the two of us, and how on Monday you are already contemplating that weeks movie choice. As you informed me today, it’s very important to choose the right movie!

I love who you are Paisley, I love who you are becoming with each passing day. I am the luckiest Mummy in the world to have you for my baby; and yes, you will always be my baby even though you hate it when I say it.

So my love, today you are five, I hope this next year continues to challenge, and excite you. I hope your days are filled with joy and laughter, and that your tears will be few.

I love you Ms Magee,

Mummy

XOXOXO

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