Diet, Health, Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships, Survivor

The ELEPHANT In The Room

Do you see it?
Do you see it?

My entire life I’ve felt like the elephant in the room, not in the traditional sense of the phrase, but more literally.

Since puberty, I’ve been curvy. So since about 10 when I got boobs, I’ve always been slightly bigger than my friends. As I became an adult I’ve packed on the weight. Dealing with depressive episodes, life circumstances, and boredem, I turned to food to fill this void.

Now, I am fat. Yep, I said it. FAT not to be confused with Phat…but I’m that too (Pretty, Hot, and Tempting). I embrace it to a degree, I don’t mind being curvy, I like boobs and butts, but, I’ve reached a point beyond that. I’m not comfortable in my own skin.

When I’m with my family and friends it’s obvious that I am the largest person in the room, when shopping I can’t get the latest fashions or styles without spending a fortune.

In this day and age when society is on a push to be fat positive, and to be body positive regardless of shape and size, I find myself being embarrassed that I don’t. I am ashamed that I look at the pictures and compare myself to them and think, “well, I’m even bigger than that, I don’t even fit here”.

To go along with my body shape/size, I also have a big personality which I think just exacerbates and brings to the forefront, my physical size. I’m the ‘biggest’ in every sense of the word.

So now what? Like many women, I’ve tried the diets, starvation, weight watchers, vegetarian diet, high protein low carb. I’ve tried intuitive eating…the problem with that one was, I intuitively always want to eat…ice cream, chips, pop corn…. I had very good successes with numerous attempts at weight watchers, but due to money and lack thereof it was something that is just a luxury I can’t afford. I’ve had gym memberships which have also gone the way of weight watchers. I love the gym, I love Zumba, swimming, dance areobics…but being a single mum with limited time and income, the gym isn’t something that fits into my life. People tell me that I have to make fitness a priority, which I agree with, but caring for my daughter is the biggest priority.

I enjoy walking, but again, when I have 2 hours between finishing work and Paisley’s bedtime, It’s tough to fit in dinner, baths, books, and cleanup, let alone an hour to walk each night, or even every other night. I’ve tried Zumba on the Wii, but there’s something sad and depressing about doing it in my small living-room alone. Sigh.

I’m not sure what the answer is. I enjoy playing games in the yard with the kids, tag, soccer, races. These things get my heart rate up, but not as much as it should.

I’m not making excuses, I know why I am the size I am. Now I just have to find something that works for me. Something I can stick to, something that I find satisfying and that will keep me motivated!

Ideas? Suggestions?


5 thoughts on “The ELEPHANT In The Room”

  1. I lived the humour in your writing. I agree that the issue is about being comfortable in your own skin. I’m struggling with this right now too.

    I don’t have a suggestion that will give you a work out. However, I would suggest meditation. It’s free and you can do it anywhere. Hard part is finding 20 quiet minutes. It won’t burn calories but it will help you be mindful and give you some peace. I know for me, I eat to calm my emotions. I’m trying to meditate more.
    Anyway, good luck… I’m rooting for you!


  2. Krista Try the Dr. Oz 30 day detox cleanse it really works! I have never lost so much weight so fast and easy. its hard at first but it totally worth it. I am keeping on this cleanse because I just feel so good! I am on day 33 and 20 lbs are gone, I am going to start working out more often now and I can’t wait to see the results at the end of this next month, do you take your daycare kids on long walks maybe they would enjoy that and you can some extra exercise in too!


    1. Hey!
      I actually looked at it and didn’t think it was something I could follow. And that is the biggest thing for me, I’m all good at the start but quickly lose interest. P and I have decided to eat healthier. We threw out all the cookies, granola bars, etc. we filled the house with whole grains, fruits and veggies. I’m hoping it’ll work.
      I have also cut out diet coke, and have only one coffee/day. I’m drinking more water.
      I feel better, I think P is too. I’m just trying to figure it all out!
      Thanks for the tips Sam!


      1. I totally understand,I too have a hard time keeping intrested, but for some reason this is sticking this time for me! Best of luck Girl! Xoxoxo


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