Simply Someday

It's Anything But Simple, But It's My Life

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes….

Things are a-changin'

Things are a-changin’

It seems like no matter which direction I look in these days; change is happening, whether I like it or not.

I’m relatively easy when it comes to change, I tend to adjust, and go with it. This last year has been one change after another, the decision to end my marriage, the decisions that needed to be made for my cancer diagnosis, changes in my job, my family, my brother moving in with me…it’s been like rapid fire.

Now, I am facing two more big changes, both are exciting, and scary.

Shaughn completed his third interview with Toyota today, a job that will offer him more money, full benefits, and a pension. It is also a job that will (by choice) take him away from his daughter. While I am very excited, about what this means for him, his future and our Paisley’s future, it also brings with it many unknowns. By choosing to move to a new city, he will be much more limited in the amount of time he is able to spend with her. This will have many trickle down effects, and I’m not sure that it’s the best thing for her. She is just now, a year after our separation starting to exhibit some behaviours associated with her father moving out, I fear that they will be exacerbated further when their time together is cut shorter.

Right now Shaughn has full access, he has his set times to have her, but often will hang out with her in-between his allotted time. I think it’s wonderful. He has always been a hands on Dad, they often spend time building things, doing crafty stuff, going to the park and researching My Little Pony shit. It’s such a special and sacred relationship, I am just afraid it will be lost.  I question if I am being selfish, but no, I don’t think that’s it, I have nothing to be selfish over, I’m quite happy to be mummy 24/7 with the occasional break, but I have family and friends to fill in the gaps. No, I really am concerned about their relationship and it’s continued growth.

Alas, things change.

The second major change I’m facing is also a familial change. My lad is moving up from the states and will be living with us. This is scary and exciting at the same time. Another huge life change!

Elliot and I have been together long distance for 8 months, with him living with us off and on for close to 3 months. I’m beyond excited to have him here, I’m done with this long distance crap; although it has afforded me the chance to learn and grow…(read more about that here:https://simplysomeday.wordpress.com/2013/04/22/where-my-heart-is/  ) I’m ready to ditch the 6000 text messages and FaceTime chats.

It’s been almost a year since I’ve lived with a partner, It’s been a year of doing things on my own, on my terms, how I want them done. I’ve had a year to be selfish, and concentrate on my needs and wants (and Pais’) without having to really consider another person. We often have PB&J for dinners, on the weekends we try to sleep late and maximise every minute we have together, I can use my favourite snuggly blanket because I’m always cold, I can sleep in my WHOLE bed, not worrying about kicking the person beside me! SELFISH!

As much as I’m joking, I am nervous about sharing myself again, opening myself up to vulnerability, throwing my whole life and heart into an ocean and hoping we can swim; not just tread water, praying we don’t drown. I know in my heart that things will be good. I know we’re in for rocky times like any relationship, but I also know that there are so many wonderful things in store too. I can’t wait.

This move has brought up feelings in my extended family that I am not thrilled with. I know certain people disapprove, and when others find out they will more than disapprove, but really; I’m an adult, and frankly I don’t give a flying leap what others think about my relationship or how I live my life.

So bring it, bring the changes, bring the unknown, uncertainty, the doubt, the second-guessing, and bring the joy of change. I’m ready for it.

Advertisements
2 Comments »

I.D.A.H.O….It’s Not Just a State.

Was there ever a choice?

Was there ever a choice?

Friday May 17th, around the world the LGBTQQA community will be celebrating International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia.

Created in 2004, IDAHO  was created to combat the homophobia and transphobia that people experience daily. In 2013 it is still illegal in 80 countries to love someone of the same sex, in many countries you face death if you live your life as your true gender rather than the one assigned to you at birth.

Death, for living your life. Death for loving someone. In 2013 this is still happening.

IDAHO was created to help bring Homo/Transphobia to the forefront, to let politicians, media, social media and the public aware that in this day and age, these things are still happening.

I remember in ’98, hearing the story of Matthew Sheppard on the news, I remember weeping for this boy who was just a few months older than I was. I remember being shocked, hurt, mortified and disgusted by the acts of his murderers. This boy, in another state and country was killed because he was gay, and here I was in Canada, hiding in my closet, afraid to come out because you know, it could happen to me too.

I live in a liberal country, I live in a city with a thriving LGBT community, my family had alwa

Leave a comment »

What’s On My Playlist…

What's on your list?

What’s on your list?

Having a conversation about music last night sparked a simple and fun blog idea….

What do I listen to?

Music has always played a huge part in my life. I’m a huge opera fan, I love jazz and the blues. I generally listen to talk radio, but when it’s time to rock out, I break out my phone, plug it in to my stereo and blare it! The louder the better…lately my musical selection has been an all empowering “Fuck You to the world” play list.

So in no particular order….

Erin Costelo – We Can Get Over. I heard this chick on CBC and fell in love with her voice and music. You can hear my favourite song by her here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iPD3wJNUAao

I can’t seem to get enough of Parachute…ever hear of them? Nope me either, not till I was able to discover them on Pandora. Love them. Pop Rock at it’s best. I have too many favourites but here is one of them: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJKhkubgDOY&list=UUpvNmgXNP6qPlTnw-3_R3kA&index=3

When I’m a little melancholy I love me some Jack’s Mannequin. Like I LOVE them. Rainy days: I listen to JM, feeling blue: JM, feeling sick…it’s all about Jack. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzGdmsRoSkg

My Big FU song these days is ‘So What’ by P!NK. I love her. I’ve always loved her. Her music is inspiring, uplifiting, and makes me feel like it’s all going to be OK. She has an awesome sense of humour to boot! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJfFZqTlWrQ

If I’m feeling sappy and missing my lad, I plug into my Canal and Bowery playlist. On it you will find: Bright Eyes, The Lumineers, Jason Mraz, Hedley, Damien Rice, Train, Josh Radin, and this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKU3UuJhIxU

I also have some Ed Sheeren, Of Monsters and Men, Philip Phillips, and my guilty pleasure (Pais and I will grab our wooden spoons and sing this at the top of our lungs) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F57P9C4SAW4

So there you have it, some of my music, the stuff that gets me through my days.

What’s on your playlist?

 

 

2 Comments »

Let It Go….

Sometimes it's not as simple as just letting go.

Sometimes it’s not as simple as just letting go.

So this past week has been a test of co-parenting for me. I felt very out of my element, angry, hurt, and helpless. I’m not going into details, they really don’t matter.

Shaughn and I had a disagreement on what each of us thought was ok for Paisley. What I thought (and still do) was not appropriate, he thinks is just fine. I’ve constantly had to remind myself that this is how you co-parent, this is how things work. I cannot control what Pais sees, does, hears, or experiences when she’s not in my care.

I’ve had to remind myself that Shaughn would never do anything to endanger, hurt, or harm our child. I’ve also had to remind myself  that it’s ok if he raises her differently than I do. It’s really ok. When we were together, I did the bulk of child rearing, just as I still do. I’m able to decide what Pais wears, what shows she watches, who she plays with, and what she plays. I make many of those decisions for her as in many cases, she is too young to make appropriate decisions; if I left it up to her she’d wear her bathing suit in December. Shaughn, due to his work schedule, then school, had little to say about things, and we were generally on the same page anyway.

Now, with sharing our time with Pais separately, I’m finding that they are doing things that I would never do in our house, I was having a very hard time wrapping my head around the fact that things are different. That they are doing things that I am so opposed to. Is she being hurt? Nope. Is it ruining her chances of being a productive member of society? Nope. They are just not things I would ever let her do.

I know Shaughn thinks I am a control freak. To an extent I am. I have to be. I don’t have the luxury of not being that way. I live my life according to schedules, I don’t divert from them often. I insist that Pais follows them, she needs routine just as much as I do. When I say it’s a luxury to not have to live by them, I mean it. I don’t want to be this way, I don’t want to have to get up early, get her dressed and fed by 8:30, I don’t want to have to worry about her 7:30 bedtime each night and fitting in dinner, quality time, and a bath. I would love to be the fun parent who lets her stay up late, I would love to stay in bed a bit longer on the weekends, but I can’t and don’t.

This has been the hardest adjustment for me thus far. And now that I’ve calmed the hell down a bit, I can see more rationally.

I know we aren’t going to raise her exactly the same, I know they will do cool stuff that I can’t, and she and I will do cool stuff that they won’t. I know he may give her heck for something I wouldn’t and vice versa. And it’s ok. I just need to take a deep breath and remember…It’s Ok.  Shaughn will ALWAYS have her back, and he will always have mine. We will always disagree, but we will always try to see the others point of view, and on the big stuff we will present a united front.

This was the first of many issues that will arise, but I know we’ll be ok. Because we always are.

Thank you Shaughn for putting up with my control freak, I appreciate it.

Leave a comment »